My Thoughts on Love

My thoughts on love and allowing yourself to love

This came to me many years ago and there have been a few times I have had the opportunity to share it. This week end it came up (my 35th anniversary) and my husband said I should post it and share with all… so here goes.

When I had my first son I was astonished at the deep and overwhelming feeling of love I felt for him. It came so very naturally and felt like it had always been there. A totally new feeling I had not experienced before. Even though I loved my brothers and other relitives, it was not the same feeling. I had not felt the love of a mother and father [another whole story ;o) ] so maybe this is why it was more of a surprise to me than some.

This was the point that I began to realize that we are not just given one little "bucket-of-love" at birth to dole out and share as we grow up. Maybe if this were believed to be the case, it would be why so many people are afraid of giving out their love. Maybe they feel that if they share it too soon they will run out early and may have met someone better later on. Might this just be why some people hold back their love, are they afraid of "spending" it all in one place? Or do they think if they keep it hid that it will grow interest over the years and will be better later on.

When I was pregnant with my daughter I must admit I was a little scared that I didn't have the capacity to love a second child the same way as I did my first and was worried that I may deprive her somehow. After I had her, to my shock the feeling was exactly the same, with the bursting emotions of love that were as fresh and wonderful as with my first child. With my third child (second son) it was amazingly the same experience and I am still in awe 40 some years later at the love and admiration I feel for all three of them.

My eldest son is now married to a great girl with two daughters from a previous marriage and now they also have a son together. He is a great dad that openly fawns over his son and gushes with happiness when he is around him.

My daughter is one of the most caring and loving people I have ever met. She shows her concern for people of all walks of life and animals of all kinds. She will go completely out of her way to help a friend or animal in need and many people love her because of it.

My youngest son is the type that has "never met a stranger" and moves into any relationship with a big smile, an outstretched hand and open arms. He and his wonderful wife have just recently had a son and I can already tell that is going to be one lucky little boy. One day while talking to my daughter-in-law this subject came up. She made a statement about wondering if she would be able to love a second child as much as she does her new son.

It came to mind the time my youngest granddaughter was visiting me. She was about 7 or 8 I think, a very beautiful little girl and she was upset about her Father and his new wife having a baby. She asked me if I thought her Daddy would still love her when her new brother was born. I explained my "Bucket-of-love" theory to her and she understood and accepted it. I think it may have helped her some.

When we are born we are given the capacity of many types of love. There is no limit to it, there is no running out of it and it doesn't matter if it is not reciprocated. You are given a brand new "bucket-of-love" for each person, and occasion or event that you encounter and want to love. As we grow and our family expands we are given a brand new "bucket-of-love" for each. If you see a neighbor's child not being loved enough in your opinion, give them some of yours. We don't have to divide or share the love we already have in place and we don't have to hold back and wait. You don't have to explain your feeling of love for a tree, a dress, a purple striped person, a person of the same sex, a neighbor, friend or mangy dog with one leg missing. There is the love we feel for our pets, the love of a good book, movie or play, the love for a sister, Mom, Dad, brother, cousin, Aunt, Grandma, Grandpa, house, city, season, food, drink, friend, sight, smell, designer, house, furniture style….. on and on and on… you get it. Each and every type of love is a separate "bucket-of-love" on its own and is not just a fraction of the original. Each is different within itself and to what degree. Each is chosen by you. Showing love is not a sign of weakness or femininity. On the contrary, there's nothing more beautiful than a big strong man stopping to help a stray pup in trouble.

No one can make someone else love them and no one else can make you love something or someone you choose not to. Just because a husband loves to ride a Jeep up a 90 degree, rock covered raveen wall does not mean you have some kind of problem because you don't care for it and my daughter will never be able to convince me that it's ok for a spider to be in my house.

Love has nothing to do with sex. Yes, sex is better when you're in love but don't confuse the two. When the statement "Love thy neighbor" was made, a tummy bump was not what He was talking about.

Each person's likes, loves and dislikes are very personal and that is why (in my opinion) the human capacity for love is largely untapped and has the unbridled ability to cover the world, if all would relax and realize it's ok to love and to let the object of your love know it. I have heard that love and hate are very close emotions. I guess that I have personally experienced this in the passed to some degree. I'm certainly not a Mother Teresa type in general and am not very outgoing either (I've been heard to say; "The more people I meet - the more I like my dogs") but in general I think most people mean well and given a break will show that they are really ok to love.

Love you,
Gail - Momma - Nana
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